I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
