We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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