I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
where does the pee come out of this thing
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
