sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize