literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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