It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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