yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
stop calling my apartment porn island.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
