Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
