So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
