Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
