I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
