what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
