my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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