I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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