its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
