my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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