I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
