He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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