so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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