By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i love accidental penises.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
