You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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