evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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