Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You made out with two different species that night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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