The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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