You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Be still, my beating vagina.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
