people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
