Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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