I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
