I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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