why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize