I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
