On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
