I feel great
I just peed on a car
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
