when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
God, you're like boner-b-gone
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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