how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
