There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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