I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
