I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
