Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
