I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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