The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
