i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
