It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
