Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
