lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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