xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
