She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
