..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
