do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
