For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize