Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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