i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
