You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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