This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
