So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
